Between the time when we recorded this episode and this introduction, so many of our learning institutions, including the Department of Education and the Institute of Museum and Library Services, are being systematically or haphazardly dismantled at the whim of our current President(s). This may send us into a spiral of despair - or, may even freeze us in place and render us unable to act. 

But … what if these challenges brought us into the fight, instead?

Our two guests on this episode co-founded organizations designed to do just that - fight back. They are just like you and me, except they saw what was wrong in their communities and decided to do something about it. We hope that you listen to Gaby and Lissette’s stories in this episode and share them far and wide. 

We are not powerless. We, the people, can do so much. And now is the time: find what you love, and fight for it in your communities. All of us, or none of us. And we need books, and the truth, now more than ever.

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Gaslighting.  Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.  Sounds horrible right?  An example of this: a person or institution may say that an activist campaigning for change is irrational or “crazy,” or they may deny biases if someone confronts them about microaggressions.  

Nobody wants to be gaslit – it makes you feel confused, anxious, and isolated, and we know from research that feeling like that can have a real impact on your mental AND physical health. 

But here we are, being gaslit by the leaders of our very own United States government. And when we say things like this, I keep coming back to George Orwell’s quote from 1984 - or was it 2025? - which says: “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” This is exactly what’s happening now. 

So - how do we keep ourselves from being fooled? How do we make sure that our collective mental and physical health as a nation doesn’t go down the toilet? We need to gather evidence to counteract the denial, the trivializing, the stereotyping that’s happening. 

So, in this episode, that’s what we’re going to do. Gather evidence to make sure you have all the info you need to stand up and push back against people who say what’s happening is normal. Educate yourselves and then each other because mainstream media is covering the chaos. We (the collective we, I mean)  have to cover the truth.

To be clear: nothing that’s happening now is normal. And we cannot be gaslit into thinking it is.

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In the United States, there are an estimated 1.6 million people who identify as transgender, which is about 0.6% of the population ages 13 and older.  It’s about the equivalent of the population of Phoenix, Arizona; it’s just about how many people said on the US Census in 2021 that they are Japanese.  Of course this population matters – AND, it’s not a large percentage of our American population. 

Yet the inordinate number of laws that have already been passed or changed since #47 was re-inaugurated, ones that harm the transgender community and the individuals and families in it, is astounding. In other words, although this group doesn’t comprise a large percentage of our American population, it is being disproportionately targeted by this administration. 

The cruelty is the point, sure. But what can we do about it? How can we be an ally?

Let’s start with organizations to support. If you have the ability to donate or volunteer, here are a few that we like: the Transgender Law Center, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Trevor Project, The Trans Lifeline, and GLAAD. Also, you’ll want to make sure to check what organizations are available locally as well, as it will be your local communities where you can have the most impact.

Next, listen to this episode - or re-listen, if you heard it come out before. Buy Schuyler’s book. Tell all your friends. We have to talk about what it means to be transgender, and how the transgender lived experience differs from ours, if we want to truly be allies and not just performatively say we are. This is where we say, and mean it: all of us, or none of us. We hope you listen, and take action.

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We need to be honest about our nation’s history - that we’ve always been a divided nation - if we’re going to be able to strengthen and maximize the full power and potential of our nation. What’s that nation we want to move towards? One dedicated to the proposition of equality.

That’s the clear, fresh vision that our guest today, Steve Phillips, writes about in his recent article in The Nation - an article that put in writing what we’d been thinking about - which is to say this:

We’re pretty tired of the barrage of viewpoints standing AGAINST what the Trump administration is doing to our country - the authoritarianism, the oppression, the broligarchy.  We believe it is much more powerful to round out those views to include not just what we don’t want, but importantly, what we are fighting for, and what we are aspiring to be.

The proposition of equality.  Of well-being for all. 

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Since every day since Trump’s second inauguration has likely brought a fresh onslaught of possibilities that range from the incomprehensibly absurd to those that actively promote authoritarianism and slash away at our fundamental rights, it’s also important to cut through the noise and figure out: what does this mean for us?

Today, we’re touching on some areas that we think WILL be affected, especially impacting women, parents, and all of us. You may not leave this episode more uplifted, but you will leave it with a sense of agency and focus as you think about how we can each stand and fight, in our own communities, and for each other.

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We’ve arrived in 2025, and assuming President-Elect Trump is inaugurated, this means he will be the first president to take office convicted of felony crimes.  And since we know that an organization’s tone is often set by its leadership, we can’t help wondering: how will we see Trump’s leadership impact the culture of the United States, and how will this play out in our collective futures? 

Let’s be real about where we are in this moment in history, courtesy of the Atlantic: “According to a report last year by the Varieties of Democracy Institute at the University of Gothenburg, in Sweden, when it comes to global freedom, we have returned to a level last seen in 1986. About 5.7 billion people—72 percent of the world’s population—now live under authoritarian rule. Even the United States, vaunted beacon of democracy, is about to inaugurate a president who openly boasts of wanting to be a “dictator on day one,” who regularly threatens to jail his opponents and sic the military on the “enemy within,” and who jokes about his election being the country’s last…..Many Americans understand today what political exhaustion and complacency look and feel like. But the dissident is the one who hopes against hope.” 

We can’t imagine it’ll be particularly easy, but we do believe we have reason to hope. Hope is the consequence of action, and is often self-fulfilling (we act, we hope, we act some more). This is why today, we’re asking you this: How are YOU Trump-proofing your life?

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Tomorrow, we’ll be wishing our loved ones “akemashite omedetou gozaimasu” - or, Happy New Year, in Japanese.  If you’re a long-time listener, you know that DEI work (or whatever we’ll be calling it going forward) is personal to us.  We’re both the daughters of a Japanese immigrant parent and a white American parent each; the ideas of multiculturalism and difference are embedded in our DNA, and we were raised to have respect not only for our own diverse histories, but those of all others in the world - after all, we’re each only one of 8 billion people in the world, and you bet that everyone has their own story, their own way of living, thinking, and being in our society.

On top of that, let’s be clear about our chosen families.  Misasha is married to a Black man and has two very multiethnic sons who are Black Japanese, and white.  We’ve spent years laying the groundwork to help you understand anti-Black racism, deconstruct the model minority myth, and more. Let us be clear - we do this work because if even one person reading, has an a-ha moment and changes their actions, or talks to someone about something they learned here which changes their actions - so Misasha’s boys can come home safe at night, or so you make decisions that might potentially improve or even save the lives of children who look like them - then we will have been successful. Sara is married to a white Canadian man and has two teenage girls the world presumes to be white. Doing the work to challenge our own assumptions about other people matters to us because not everybody is what they seem.  Standing against anti-immigration sentiment matters to us; understanding the link between systems of oppression that hurt not only Black people, but neurodivergent people, females, and so many others is critically important to us as well.

So far, we have hosted 262 episodes of the Dear White Women podcast because helping people listen, learn, and act differently to help uproot systemic racism is what we need to make the world truly equitable for ALL of us - this is the foundation, the work starts here.  And we cannot do it without your help.

In 2025, we’ll be speaking to organizations - schools, companies, ERGs, and more - about two topics we think are critically important at this point in history: 

• Why equity and inclusion matters now more than ever - the psychology of belonging

• How to have difficult conversations.

If you have groups you think would benefit, or know people who could hire us in their organizations, please connect us.  You can reach us at hello@dearwhitewomen.com anytime.

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Today’s episode seems to be addressing this question: does politics show up in our everyday lives? Maybe even in our most intimate relationships? 

And while a lot of folks may be saying politics doesn’t impact me, I don’t do politics… we think the actual answer for most of us in this country is a resounding YES (in fact, we’ve recorded whole episodes and written whole book chapters on this very topic!).  Yes, politics impacts our daily lives, including being in our marriages, our parent-child relationships, and more.

We’re privileged to have this conversation with someone who took the chance to use her voice in a new way - moving from academia and diving bravely into personal essays - in order to help us all hear one person’s journey confronting the Model Minority Myth that so many Asian folks in America are impacted by, and inspiring us along the way.

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There are SO many insightful conversations and incredible stories we’ve shared on this show, and this one was yet another example of one where we went in thinking one thing, and came out thinking another.  

Because we’ll be talking with an incredible advocate about ableism and disabilities - a label that, if we aren’t already impacted by it, is a label that - statistically speaking - we may all one day live long enough to be impacted by. We all want to be paying attention.

And maybe, just maybe, if you learn through this episode that the way you thought about ability and disability is different than what you previously assumed, maybe, just maybe, you’ll also be open to learning more about race and racism, age and ageism, sex and sexism, anti LGBTQIA+ sentiment, and more.  All of these systems of oppression are linked. And we’re so glad that we were able to be in community with someone that we personally know is such a powerful woman in this space for this discussion.

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We’ve had a lot of focus on this show leading into Election 2024 about the state of the country and the deep divides that we’re seeing in society.  We’re grateful to and for everyone who worked to ensure that democracy worked in early November. AND, given the election results, we know that these divides still exist and have the ability to grow even deeper. 

What can we do about that? One step that we can take right now is to examine how we talk to each other, to better connect. So today, we focus on the good stuff - building community, nurturing friendships, and coming together with a lot of meaning and joy.

And given who we are, of course, we don’t just do it alone - we do it in partnership with a leading psychologist who specializes in developing friendships, showcased in her NYT bestselling book Platonic, and who - alongside us in our multi-racial identities, also has personal experience driving her desire to help more of us understand how to belong, and find those connections in the world.

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You know how we both feel about the phrase “oh, stop being so political” for the simple reason that politics IS personal.  

Political choices impact most things you do on the daily, and often involve the things you care about the most for your community.

That’s why, today, we wanted to speak to someone who may not look like who you think of when you think “politician” - or at least, not until VP Harris stepped even further into the spotlight.  

We hope you hear what it takes to be a woman of color running for office, the importance of representation, and why it’s important that every single one of us vote in this upcoming election.

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This episode is for all of you who may think: “My vote doesn’t matter.” “I don’t vote.” “I would get involved but I don’t know how or where to volunteer.” “I don’t have any special election-related skills.” Or anything along those lines. You may have even said this out loud, or you may have heard friends or family say this. Either way, this is for you. 

We said in our email this week that we were getting ready to dive into Election 2024 - because “I’m not political” or “I don’t talk about politics” is NOT going to cut it; these days, politics is invading our libraries, schools, wallets and bodies and those of our children as well.  

So we bring you an incredible activist and supporter of activists, who will leave you with not only the best approach to engage people in your life who say they don’t do politics but also a bunch of organizations you can get involved with between now and November that we think will make a huge difference to the trajectory of our nation. 

PS, if you aren’t yet on our email list, what are you thinking!?  Get on it!  Register at

www.dearwhitewomen.com

.

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What comes to your mind when you picture someone who’s resilient?  Usually, we hear that it’s one person who’s faced a setback, and they remain hopeful and willing to work through the challenges to return to some sort of life they had before. Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “pick themselves up by their bootstraps” to describe this type of person. We know we have. But that doesn’t always work, as we continually say. 

We have a guest today who’s going to help us critically examine that image we have - and help us understand what we’re missing.  She’ll tell us we need to think critically about when it comes to glorifying resilience, especially if we’re doing it for individual gain or to showcase individual strength, without realizing that the opposite of resilience is loneliness – we have to remember the communal and community contribution to the ability to be resilient.

We’re at a time in history where it feels - no matter your perspective - like the world is burning down around us. We want to trust that we will still be standing. To do it, we need to know when to be optimistic and when to be strategically pessimistic, not beat ourselves up when we’re coming up against moral injury, embrace certain ways of thinking - cognitive flexibility, for those who want the big words - and hold onto hope for the collective, above all.

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Most of us say we’d speak up and do the right thing - that we’d not conform to horrible societal standards.  We hear that, for example, when people speak about what happened during World War II in Europe. Would you have been part of the Resistance, knowing that the risk included not only social shunning but indeed death? But we also hear that so many of you have a hard time speaking up when it comes to interrupting moments of racism, sexism, misogyny, ageism, homophobia - I mean, it can be really intimidating to use your voice.  Like, you *want* to do the right thing, but feel like you don’t have all the information, don’t know what to say, what the repercussions might be, for example.

We’re here to say that if there ever was a time for us to use our voice - from interrupting with people who want to take away other people’s rights, to promoting equity, looking out for ourselves by getting what we need from relationships and communities, and using our right to vote in the voting booths this fall (because yes, a vote can be your voice as well) - now is the time. We’re so grateful we get to bring you a meaningful and practical conversation that can help you reframe your understanding of why we become silent - and how to unlearn all of that intentionally, so we can start using our powerful voices again.

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So we’ve spoken inspirationally and aspirationally about wellbeing, the power of the pause, about spirituality.

But what if my brain is still going, but I can’t wrap my head around this all – I need some more structure, some more tools, some more intellectual perspective!?

We’ve got a book for you! 

And if you’ve been a longtime listener to the podcast, you know that we very rarely do repeat guests, unless we (a) love them and (b) feel like they’ve got another message to bring to our community. 

Dr. Sue Varma fits the bill for both, and so much more. We’re bringing her back to talk about her new book, Practical Optimism, with excellent frameworks around well-being, how to survive this rollercoaster of a year, and so much more.

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In the five-plus years of the podcast, I’d say that we have spent a LOT of time on various “hot button” issues - I mean, we live quite squarely in the ones that surround race and identity, wouldn’t you say? - but one of the facets of identity that we don’t often explore is that of religion. Not because we don’t want to talk about it, but a lot of times the opportunity doesn’t really present itself.

That’s why we were so excited to talk to one of the authors of Healing Our Way Home, a new book that addresses white supremacy and identity through the lens of Black Buddhist teachings. 

What started out as a series of conversations between three practitioners morphed into a whole book, focusing on self-care and Buddhist teachings with the goal of collective liberation in mind, but in a way that’s totally different from what we’ve seen out there thus far. 

Can’t wait for you all to listen and learn more.

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This one goes out to all the busy women in our community. 

Whether you’re a Type-A, a Recovering Type-A, a paid working mom or a working mom in the home - we hear it over and over again: we women are feeling stretched super thin, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

Enter a radical mindset shift: the power of rest.

We’re excited to bring you a conversation with Kibi Anderson, who drops brilliant reframing of what we think of as rest (it’s not always what we’ve been led to believe) and other life advice that helped us breathe a little better. 

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I don’t know that there’s a better book and conversation to kick off our summer author series with than this one.

We’ve said for a while now that there’s a benefit to applying a psychological, human-based lens to the social justice learning we’ve been sharing on this show for the last five years.  

This conversation shows us why we are spending our summer talking about that bridge, which over the course of the next few months will center discussions about well-being, about the power of the pause, practical optimism, meditation, and more. 

Because in the midst of such a turbulent, divided time, don’t you want to feel better? 

With social psychologist Dolly Chugh, we’ll get into some beautiful stories that let us all remember there are times we prioritize comfort over discomfort – but that not knowing facts creates its own sense of discomfort too. Why not join us in the learning and unlearning?

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